Does anybody really want an Apple Vision Pro headset?

More sent in reader questions on problems facing us today in modern culture. From Apple Vision Pro headsets taking over the world to stealing the middle armrest on planes and wearing ankle socks in winter, and more.

Does anybody really want an Apple Vision Pro headset?
Photo by Igor Omilaev / Unsplash

Dave P:

What’s with all the people doing hair implants when they still look like they don’t have any real hair? 

Well dear, remember that old saying, "baldness is God's way of telling you your head is perfect and doesn't need improvement"? Some folks seem to take it as more of a challenge rather than a compliment. They get hair implants thinking they're ordering a lush, warm woolly hat of hair. But in reality, they end up with what can sometimes resemble a sparse patch of cornfield after a plague of locusts. Perhaps it's more about the therapeutic illusion of control than the final result. After all, we're all just one hair brained idea away from our next big mistake!

Julia:

Many years ago when I passed my driving test, I was told that the emergency hazard lights button was for attracting attention after a break down. Why are people using it now for irrelevant emergencies like stopping to get a Starbucks or picking their kids up on no parking streets?

Well my dear, you've unwittingly stumbled upon the latest trend in modern communication. It's primarily used by those operating under the delusion that they're starring in a reality TV show called "Ordinary People in Dire Situations". 

The coffee order at Starbucks? A caffeine emergency of epic proportions! Picking up kids from school? A nail-biting race against time à la Mission Impossible, and our protagonists are undoubtedly saving the world from the impending doom of after-school detentions! 

However, just as we look back now and laugh at the mullet, so too will future generations look back and chuckle at our naivety—and probably our post-millennial obsession with pumpkin-spiced lattes as well! Hang tight, there’s always hope that the next generation will bring the hazard light back to its humble roots.

James:

It’s cold in the winter so why are people (mainly young men) still wearing those ankle socks with trousers, especially with suit pants. It makes them look like some fabric is missing and they seem cold. Why not just buy some normal office socks?

Ah, behold the fashion ninja moves of the youth: bare ankle aesthetics inspired by the eternal desire to be 'cool'. It's a fascinating culture where tune being 'cold' seems to be almost inconsequential.

You see, these ankle-baring buccaneers are simply making a sartorial statement that screams, "I defy conventional norms; I laugh in the face of winter." They've traded the cozy cocoon of thermal socks for a frigid breeze around their ankles, all in the name of fashion's fickle decree.

They're holding out hope that their frost-bitten ankles will land them on the front page of some fashion magazine, under the headline, "Brr-eaking the Rules: The Rise of the Ankle Sock".

But don't worry, in the immortal worlds of Will Smith: Parents (and common sense) just don’t understand. Until then, let’s all bundle up and look forward to the look on their faces when they finally feel that winter chill makes its way up their pants!

man in yellow shirt and brown pants using smartphone
Photo by Ehimetalor Akhere Unuabona / Unsplash

Gino:

Fat people are now trying to convince everyone that they are healthy but being clearly overweight is only going to shorten your life. Why won’t anybody tell them the truth to their face?

Ah, yes, the tricky topic of truth-telling. It's rather like trying to explain why your least favorite aunt's mystery meat casserole is still untouched at the end of a family gathering; you don't want to offend, but you simply can't bring yourself to indulge in it. 

You see, we are venturing through a new era of 'body positivity'. In this bold, brave world, anything less than complete acceptance is often seen as an act of war... or at least a very impolite dinner guest. 

I presume many think if they echo a mantra of 'healthy at any size' enough times, people might start to believe it, much like how I convince myself that using my gym membership card to scrape ice off my windshield is akin to physical exercise.

But remember, my friend, tiptoeing around the truth is a ballet, and not everyone is ready to put on their pointe shoes. Let's just be patient, serve a slice of truth with a generous frosting of kindness, and pray the message is palatable.

Jake:

Is trying to secure the middle arm rest as yours on a long fight too petty for a grown man? 

Ah, the unspoken airplane middle armrest wrestling match, the in-flight equivalent of the Cold War! As plain as an upright tray table, yet as covert as a contraband snack smuggled through customs.

Is it petty? Maybe. But is it crucial for one's comfort during a long-haul flight? Absolutely. For some, it's a matter of national security. Claiming that no man's land, one measly inch at a time, is akin to planting a flag on a newly discovered, potentially hostile-rich planet, in airplane terms of course.

Remember, it's not merely an armrest, but a testament to your in-flight dominance, your sense of personal space sovereignty. Yet, always be mindful of the unspoken Airplane Treaties (Treat-em'-Nice Air Passenger Accord), ensuring a fair and friendly journey for all. 

So by all means, stake your claim, dear chap! Just do it so politely, the person next to you will swear they offered it to you first. Safe travels and victorious reclining!

Who gets the arm rest?!

Sam:

I don’t think Klopp should have announced he was leaving in January when there’s still so much to play for. If he’s tired and wants to leave before the end of his contract, why not just do it in May?

Oh, the football world, where a manager spilling secrets stirs more frenzy than a bungled offside trap! Truly, dear friend, one would think Klopp was resigning from an international spy agency, given the amount of excitement his announcement stirred!

However, let’s spare a moment for Klopp, who might be feeling like that chap at a party who accidentally announces his impending move to the Arctic, and now can't sneak off for an early night without causing a stir. Why didn't he wait till May? Perhaps the anticipation spiked his blood pressure, like the last decisive minutes during extra time.

You're right about the 'so much to play for' bit. Imagine, it's akin to telling your date halfway through dinner that you're seeing someone else—poor form indeed!

Perhaps Klopp believes this revelation might inspire his team to perform even better, turning the pitch into their own personal Battle of Thermopylae. After all, nothing adds more spice to football than a dramatic twist or two.

So, strap in, enjoy the bumpy ride that is football, and remember to always 'Klopp' on. As for January or May, in the beautiful game, sometimes it's not about 'when' but about 'how' the goal is scored!

Shin:

Does anybody really want the new Apple VR head set? Tim Cook didn’t even wear it at the launch event.

Oh, the eternal conundrum of tech launches. "To wear, or not to wear, that is the question!" After all, wasn't it Shakespeare who wrote, "A headset in hand is worth two on the head." No? Maybe I'm just misremembering my classics.

But it's true, Mr. Cook opting out of modeling the Apple VR headset at the launch event does raise an eyebrow, much like seeing a chef refusing to taste his own cooking. One might think he's plotting to build anticipation, keeping us all teetering on the edge of expectation like cats pouncing on a laser dot.

However, let's not burst the Apple bubble just yet. We live in a world where virtual reality headsets are popping up faster than you can say "Siri, where's my iPhone?" and Apple, much like a fancy restaurant, knows that presentation is everything, even if it means leaving a few hungry customers salivating for more.

So, my dear friend, whether you're an Apple enthusiast, a casual fruit-fan, or just a tech junkie, remember, patience is a virtue... well, at least until the next firmware update comes along. Until then, let’s all raise a glass (or an Apple Watch) to the future where we could be dodging virtual pigeons on our morning commute. Magical, isn’t it?

Laura:

We’re dumb for paying $1,000 or more for our mobile phones. Finito.

More Apple questions...

Ah, a blunt and intriguing perspective, my dear friend! Indeed, you may have hit the nail on the head, or should I say, hit the touch screen with a stylus?

In a world where even our toasters have Wi-Fi, a middle ground between the shiny trappings of cutting-edge technology and preserving one's bank balance appears as elusive as a decent air signal in an elevator. 

Why, you may ask, do we trade a mini treasure chest's worth of gold for a device with a lifespan shorter than a New Year's resolution? Is it for the thrill of owning the latest gadget, or perhaps a primeval instinct to possess shiny things, much like a well-dressed crow?

Yes, at times it does seem we're all running a never-ending digital hamster wheel, constantly chasing the latest, greatest device. Yet is it so bad if it brings us joy, convenience, and at least 37 different ways to avoid human interaction first thing in the morning?

Whatever the case, always remember: you can't put a price on happiness, but you sure can put a hefty one on a phone!

Joe:

What’s the biggest trick ever been played on the public?

Ah, my dear friend, the tricks played on the public are as plentiful as soothing lullabies sung by politicians. However, if we're talking about grand illusions, have you ever heard of this thing called 'weight loss chocolate'? I mean, honestly, who wouldn't want to believe in a world where indulging in decadent treats miraculously leads to a slimmer waistline? It's like selling unicorns that poop rainbows!

But I digress. It could be argued that the most successful charades are those that persist, gently nudging us to continue throwing coins into wishing wells and holding out hope for laundry that folds itself. However, those stories are perhaps left best for hushed whispers around a crackling campfire, glass in hand, and a twinkle in the eye.

Food for thought in this documentary

Or the video nobody wants you to see in January 2024